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12 Realities of Being a Dog Owner

  1. Poop on your hands is not the end of the world. How many times has the poop bag broken or you just miscalculated the size? Wipe it off on the grass and don’t touch anything, but no need to hurry home.
  2. Speaking of poop, you will talk about poop more than you could have ever imagined. How did his poop look this morning? She had some runny poops last night. This makes for lovely dinner conversation.
  3. Complacency is not acceptable. Just because he didn’t chew the computer cord last time, doesn’t mean it won’t happen this time. Always be on your toes.
  4. Food on the floor is okay. I hear people who don’t own dogs have to pick up their food when they drop it on the floor. That’s not a problem in this house.
  5. Don’t assume it’s water. What did I step in? Is it water? Or pee? Did someone throw up? I can’t look, just tell me what it is!
  6. Keep the ‘pee ladle’ separate from the ‘food ladle’. Ever have to get a urine sample from a female dog? I suggest not using the ladle you use to serve food.
  7. Spelling words is second nature. Are you ready to take the dogs for a w-a-l-k? Think they are h-u-n-g-r-y? Do you want to take them to p-l-a-y?

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  1. Dog fur is an accessory. Wear it proudly. Also, accept that it will be a garnish to many meals.
  2. Vacuuming is done daily. Or twice daily. Really, I could have a vacuum cleaner running 24/7 and would never keep up with the fur, dirt, leaves, and grass they bring inside.
  3. Your backyard will need to be on an episode of ‘Yard Crashers’. Don’t look at my backyard. Just don’t. Between the chewed on trees, digging spots, and dead grass, it’s a mess.
  4. Bedtime is not about your comfort. Let me just squeeze myself into this tiny open space with no covers so I don’t disturb anyone.
  5. Your wallet will never be full. I can’t tell you the last time I bought something for myself, but I did spend $150 the other day on dog food.